Have you ever had a smile glued to your face for so long that when it starts to slowly peal off you're not quite sure what to do? Do you glue it back on and continue your everyday life pretending to be something youre not, or do you peal the rest off and face reality?
I'm not extremely depressed, and many times my smile is a real one; but there's an ache deep down in my soul. I can't figure out what is causing it and why it just wont go away. Sometimes i feel like it is set on a timer. Every so often it gets turned on and getting out of bed is a struggle; i force myelf to make it through the day. I hurt somewhere in my heart, i long to be someone else, anyone but myself, and i'm not satisfied with the way things are going. However there are days when i am just so excited to wake up in the morning; i'm excited to see what the next turn has in store for me; and i couldnt ask for anything more.
I guess this is just a part of life, some days are good and others are not. So the real question is, How do i love myself and love my life on those bad days? How do i get out of bed and put a smile on my face without it being fake, when the smile is just no where to be found?
I get lonely often, i forget how to love myself, i spend so much time trying to help other people that i neglect me. And then when i actually focus on me i find a person who is broken to peices, crying out, wanting to be rescued.