Monday, May 12, 2008

"No pain, No gain..."

I feel like my life is about to completely turn around; in a miraculous awesome way. My desire is to be completely consumed by Him, in every aspect of my life. I get distracted so easily, so my prayer is that my focus would stay on God; and distractions would not be an issue. I'm tired of having a bad attitude and i'm tired of bringing myself down. God has me where i'm at to be challenged, to grow, and to become stronger. He did not lead me into the fire to be burned but to be refined. Life gets difficult and its certainly not easy, but in those moments when you are about to collapse, a light shines through and brings you a ray of hope. I wont give up and i will push through until He says stop. My story is not over; its just beginning. Everyday is a new day to be the person you were meant to be. As they say it in the gym... "no pain, no gain".

I'm dying in order to live. See you on the other side.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Light at the end of the tunnel

Last night was refreshing; exactly what i needed. I've realized that all the things i've been stressing about are pointless and all they do is bring me down. The lies i've been letting discourage me are indeed lies and there's no need to fall flat on my face due to insignificant crap. The best i can do is live life; just press the play button and see where the road takes me. I recieved much peace last night; a calming in my soul. My biggest prayer is that i dont lose sight of what is most important.
"All i have is what God gives and thats all the life i was meant to live".

Monday, May 5, 2008

Going down a one-way street...the wrong way

"One of those days" seems to be turning into "one of those weeks"... I dont understand, i am stuck in a rut and i'm having trouble getting out. When i start to talk, negativity comes out; so i've been trying to keep quiet. I hate being negative, and i hate being selfish. I feel like i'm stuck in a box. Does anyone have a box cutter?!?

By the way, today is my 1 year anniversary of non-drunkeness. whoohoo!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

One of those days..

Have you ever had a smile glued to your face for so long that when it starts to slowly peal off you're not quite sure what to do? Do you glue it back on and continue your everyday life pretending to be something youre not, or do you peal the rest off and face reality?

I'm not extremely depressed, and many times my smile is a real one; but there's an ache deep down in my soul. I can't figure out what is causing it and why it just wont go away. Sometimes i feel like it is set on a timer. Every so often it gets turned on and getting out of bed is a struggle; i force myelf to make it through the day. I hurt somewhere in my heart, i long to be someone else, anyone but myself, and i'm not satisfied with the way things are going. However there are days when i am just so excited to wake up in the morning; i'm excited to see what the next turn has in store for me; and i couldnt ask for anything more.

I guess this is just a part of life, some days are good and others are not. So the real question is, How do i love myself and love my life on those bad days? How do i get out of bed and put a smile on my face without it being fake, when the smile is just no where to be found?

I get lonely often, i forget how to love myself, i spend so much time trying to help other people that i neglect me. And then when i actually focus on me i find a person who is broken to peices, crying out, wanting to be rescued.